IT'S EATING ME UP 1

As I stood at the window, I watched my husband drive in with our child, there is surely no greater joy than to see so much love in a husband’s eyes to his family. At the climax of this feeling, it was abruptly interrupted by a sharp pain in my heart. I thought of the most dreaded, the day Mark my husband will find out Kim is not his child. The child he had taken so much care of, the child that  made him shed tears of joy the very first day he carried at the hospital. I quickly brushed it off my mind, he would never find out I convinced myself as I always did this past four years.
We had been married for six years now and Kim is four years old, we had hoped for a child the very year we got married as we got married in January and I thought it would just be like magic and I would just get pregnant like regular couples, but there was no issue and my husband begged me not to worry, he reminded me that God was on the throne and that we should have faith as it was still quite early in our marriage, as we have seen couples who went through worse.

 My husband and his family never made me feel bad well at least not yet.One evening I collapsed at work, I work as a customer care consultant in an average company, I was rushed to the hospital my office held a retainership, I was later told by the Doctor that I needed a lot of bed rest as I was pregnant, my husband rushed into the hospital room shortly after, and the doctor told him the same thing , he was ecstatic and jumped for joy, he immediately started talking about how I had to resign from work and start planning where to give birth. He was so happy and kept saying ‘God has done it for us’. This was supposed to be a really great news but I felt it was the worst news my ears could ever hear at that moment. My heart raced and I was so confused, Mark noticed and asked if I was alright, I said I was okay but I was just tired, i struggled to keep the tears in my eyes but it was so overwhelming and I wept and I convinced my husband that it was because I was so happy.
 I thought of the events that happened in my life after Catherine’s party and I shuddered.Catherine is my friend, we were very close in the University, we were even roommates, but we lost touch after we graduated, we went to our various states for our youth service, and years after we bumped into each other at payless stores, we were so excited to see each other and we had uncountable questions for each other.
 I never knew that ironically as I thanked God for letting us find each other again, I would feel the opposite way the rest of my life.We went for lunch together that day and said so much, I told her that I was now married she was excited until I told her I married Mark, I saw her smile drop a little but I felt that she was just surprised and overwhelmed, I told her I was waiting on the Lord. We kept in touch and I even told my husband I saw her, he didn’t seem quite excited, he just told me to be careful as she may not be the same person I knew then as people change. I laughed and told my husband I would be careful.Catherine and I went for lunch again few days after, she told me she worked as a banker in one of the top banks in the country and she drove a really nice car and dressed really well I noted mentally. I was happy for her knowing the very humble background she came from. I asked her of her mum and siblings and she scoffed and said she hadn’t seen them in a while and that they were trouble and that she didn’t even want to hear from them at all. I was so surprised and tried to press harder on the issue but I soon realised it was a closed door that she didn’t want to open.
She invited me for her birthday party coming up the next month and I told her that I tell Mark, and I noticed she rolled her eyes and called me Ruth, we had a good laugh. I told Mark and he had no issues in letting me go but I must promise that I would not come home late so that he wouldn’t be worried. I agreed gladly, I didn’t like to stay out late either ways. I slipped into a gold short dress that flattered my curves, because I didn’t go out much I had worn the dress only once for Mark and I’s anniversary and he loved the dress so much. I felt good with myself and the dress and I was glad that there was party and I was going, I hardly go out and this excited me.I arrived at the party and it was like a University reunion, I wondered how Catherine still had the contacts of all these people from our University and didn’t have mine until we met at the supermarket. I remembered going to her family house to look for her before we resumed to our various camps for the youth service. The family members looked lost especially since her phone was switched off since the moment we dropped our pens for the last papers.
 Anyway I quickly took my mind off it as I had not come for the party to brood and wonder over things I had no control over, but to have fun.Liz, I heard a husky voice call my name from behind I turned and I almost tripped, I was so surprised to see Afam, he was my ex-boyfriend, I was head over heels in love with him until he dumped me after we dated for two years. He still looked the same just more comfortable and matured. I could guess he had a good job and he smelt really nice even from the distance, he quickly hugged me and said I have been staring at you from a distance, I just cant believe my eyes he said, he looked at me from top to bottom, he noticed my rings during his screening and asked you are married, I hurriedly composed myself and said, happily married. He laughed and started asking about where I worked and the sorts, I gathered from our talk that he was not married and was a manager in a popular telecommunications company, though I must say I did a little screening of my own earlier and noticed he didn’t have a wedding band on, so his telling me was just a confirmation. I had no idea why I felt happy about that.I felt so uncomfortable being that close to him and I felt my throat tightening periodically, I soon announced my exit to Afam, Catherine and all the other people I knew. 
Afam tried to persuade me to stay saying that the party was just about to begin but I smiled and said I have a husband at home to care for, the smile was actually a laugh in my mind, I was glad I had the chance to spite him but from what I saw he kept the same face on and looked unperturbed by what I said.On my way home, I asked myself what the problem was as I didn’t even dance at all at the party which was the number one activity in my party activity list, Afam had never been on that list I had no idea I would see him. I always made a mental activity list for things, weekends, going to the office, shopping etc. I wondered why Afam made me so nervous after all he dumped me for that skinny girl I retorted.
 I entered the house and Mark was so surprised to see me that early, he even felt bad that maybe it was because he made me promise to come home early that I didn’t chill to enjoy the party, he said I didn’t mean you should come this early darl, you barely spent an hour there, I assured him it wasn’t his fault.Mark said well I have to enjoy seeing you in this dress, he pleaded with me not to pull it off yet, he switched on the DVD and inserted the old school blues, he crept behind me and held my waist while whispering the lyrics of the love song into my ear, we were so happy, I was especially grateful to God for giving me such a loving husband, our night was magical, but it kept getting interrupted by the swish of Afam’s perfume I kept smelling, I wondered if it was my mind but later concluded that it must have stuck on my body when he hugged me.
 My husband was cuddling me and I was thinking of Afam, I realised that I was in trouble and immediately started regretting ever going for the party.

TO BE CONTINUED...